Dear Diary....
Saturday 12th February 2005
Having 8.00 o'clock snack I felt really fat. I hate having it, as it lies on my stomach and makes me fatter at night and I can't get rid of it. I can feel the fatness and fat lumps on my stomach, which have been getting big all day. I can't believe I'm so fat, I just can't. I feel terrible, I hate myself because I am so fat and drinking Clinutrins. I can see the fat and sugar in the cup and feel it is making me fat every second. I feel so angry I could chuck it up the wall. I don't deserve it because the other girls should have it and get better, except me because I like it, I like being thin and seeing my bones stick out.
Friday 30th September 2005
Just arrived at hospital, I can't believe it here again for the fourth time. I am SO FAT, I don't even need to be here on bed rest or eating, well drinking Clinutrin. The stupid doctor put me on 1000 kcal I can't cope I was only on 190 kcal at home. Just had first full Clinutrin and felt bloated, fat, full, feel a right fat pig. They just get you up in the hospital to feed you up and make you fat. I really struggled because I am not used to it and it took me 1 hour and 30 mins then it was snack half an hour later which was 70mls Clinutrin and I hate eating at night cause it lies on your stomach and makes you even fatter and there is no way to exercise it off. I just want to EXERCISE DESPERATELY to burn all these calories. The Clinutrin is full of fat and sugar which goes straight to my stomach. I bet I've put on loads of weight already just by drinking that rubbish. I feel so sick FAT FAT STUPID FAT PIG. You don't deserve anything!!
Tuesday 1st November 2005
Breakfast came and it took 1hr 45mins. I am so stupid. FAT PIG! especially after yesterday's weigh day. After I had to move and sit on my bed because I was watched which was really annoying me cause I need to stand up and move to burn lots of calories. I HATE FOOD and EATING SO MUCH!!!! After I stood up and did my jigsaw till snack time. Snack took 1hr 10mins then I had to sit on my bed till tea time.
As you can see from this page this is the body and inside the mind of a young person with ANOREXIA NERVOSA. The diaries took place within two and half years and as you will see there was no letting up that which was within this young persons mind filled with thoughts of low self esteem and hatred. These are TRUE facts. NOT to be ignored! Disturbing isn't it?
It is vitally important that Anorexia Nervosa is researched and understood. We cannot allow this to keep happening to our loved ones.
We need to become aware of what is happening within our world and within the lives of our children no matter what age they may be as ANOREXIA NERVOSA has no respect for anyone. For more information on how I can help, guide and support you as a parent for this life threatening illness Anorexia Nervosa! Contact Jane at: hopeforanorexia@hotmail.co.uk